just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
