"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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