i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
