The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
