Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
