So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
