Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
