omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
