He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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