Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
