sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
