So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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