I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
