He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
