I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
