how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
