My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
