i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
