hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How does it feel to date your dad?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
