dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
