Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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