i was born a porn star she said
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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