The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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