I'm laying in your front yard are you home
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
