It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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