The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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