how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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