He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
