I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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