Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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