i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
