I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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