In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize