but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
