I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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