New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
