Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
