it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
