And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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