grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
