She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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