Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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