Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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