apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
