Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
