My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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