Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
