Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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