Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
