I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
