She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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