He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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