You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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