So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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