I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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