Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
