He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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